Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
