I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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