I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
