Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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