I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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