Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
