I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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