I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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