I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize