it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm bleeding and have questions
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
