my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
