Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
