So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
