i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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