I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
