i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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