Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
