I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
