this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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