do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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