do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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