Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
