Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
we're so committed to being not committed
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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