do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
sarcasm needs its own font
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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