it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize