What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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