Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
