Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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