My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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