Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
