The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
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