I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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