addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
