who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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