we have pet lesbian snakes
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Be still, my beating vagina.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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