if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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