She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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