Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
