He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
This is classic penis vs brain.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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