Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It's official drugs can't kill me
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
