Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
