he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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