what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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