your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
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