Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize