he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
time to smoke my breakfast
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
