i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
