You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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