I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
