I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
as a side note pls kill me
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
