I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize