I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize