Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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