mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize