Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
