Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
