She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I think I sprained my soul last night
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
