I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
