im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
