i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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