Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
